In August I went to Branson with some family members, and later met the family army there (There are so many of us that we could easily overthrow a third world nation). I was going to write an article on it and tie it to poetry (since I was doing poetry blogs at the time), but I never finished it because the blog I was working for (which will remain unnamed) abruptly let me go (presumably for not posting enough). Anyway, here’s the notes from the article which will never appear in case any of you cares.
Notes on Branson, Missouri
My mom was dying to go to KFC, but we could not find an open one. My sister found some nearby ones online. One was closed for manintance on the days we went there, and the other two did not exist (even though their addresses were on-line.) Then on the way back on the (I forgot what I was going to write).
In Chicago there are currently no open Krispy Kremes (but they plan to open some soon) but there are many Dunkin Donuts. In Branson met a guy from Oklahoma, and he said that where he is from there are no Dunkin Donuts and many Krispy Kreme’s. Is this enough to constitute a Bizarro universe?
Branson is very conservative. I saw a shirt with John Wayne on it that said, “My idea of gun control is holding a gun with both hands.”
I picked up a whole newspaper at a gas station called Gun Times which showed different people proudly holding guns. The paper showed a picture of Obama with a fly on his head. An ad showed a pic of an Asian woman holding a machine gun with the caption, Asians Buy Guns Too.
I also passed tea party headquarters. I wanted to interview a tea party member or at least talk to one (I would have at least tried to be unbiased) but the place was closed.
We saw a Las Vegasy music show called Legends. The overall show was ok if you have to go somewhere that will please the family, but I had a better time at Wicker Park Fest with a 5 dollar entrance (I saw Screaming Females, War Flag, Lydia loveless and the Meat Puppets there on different years but I missed Veruca Salt this year.)
The impersonator lineup at Legends consisted of Elvis, Michael Jackson (possibly Bill Cherry), Adele, the Blues Brothers (Chuck Havens and Danny ZeLigman) and George Strait. If I could have decided on the lineup I would have kept the Elvis and Michael impersonators, and replaced the rest with Amy Winehouse (instead of Adele), Prince (instead of the Blues Brothers who are imitators of imitators) and George Jones or Johnny Cash instead of George Strait
The memorabilia from the American Bandstand show (such as Bo Diddley’s guitar) was often more interesting than most of the show.
The George Strait guy wasn’t bad, but I really don’t liked the original that much so he did not have an impact on me. He did versions of “All my Exes are in Texas” and a song that may or not be called “The fireman that’s my name.”
I like hearing some of Adele’s songs on the radio, but hearing all her hits at once made her sound one dimensional and monotonous. The singer did “Skyfall” (not my fav Bond song but it was ok), “We could Have had it All,” “Chasing Pavements,” and “Rumor Has it.” I have never seen the real Adele live, but I hope that she is not as annoying or whiny as the impersonator who overdid the accent and colloquialisms.
The Blues Brothers impersonators were rather boring. I was a fan of Aykroyd and Belushi on SNL and thought they were wonderfully entertaining on stage (more as musical spectacle than music). But people have copied them so much that by now the whole act seems hackneyed and clichéd. The fake Belushi flips did not seen dangerous like the ones the real one did, and what’s the point of seeing two white guys copying two white guys copying the great soul singers? Sam and Dave and Wilsen Picket who did it better anyway. Their set reminded me of the Nine Inch Nails lyrics: “I’m a shadow of a shadow of a shadow.”
The set list which featured “Somebody to Love, “Soul Man,” “Rawhide,” and “Shout” offered no surprises other than “Stand by your Man” which was done for comedy anyway.
On the other hand the Michael Jackson guy was superb both in terms of his vocalizing and movements. The great thing was that his face looked just as artificial and fake as the real Michael’s (towards the end his surgeries made him look like a Frankenrock star). He performed “I Wanna be Starting Something, “and “Beat It,” “Thriller,” “Bad,” and he closed with an exciting rendition of “Billie Jean.”
The Elvis guy was one of the highlights. He resembled Kurt Russell doing an Elvis Presley impersonation (which is more complementary than you might think because Kurt did a mighty good Elvis). He did many big hits such as “Heartbreak Hotel, “Hound Dog,” “All Shook Up, “ “Jailhouse rock,” “ Love Me tender (which he sang to the ladies in the audience), “ “Trouble” (I used to think it was called “ my name is evil,”) which might have been difficult since it requires an orchestra, and of course “A little Less Conversation. “But there was no “That’s all Right” (The Jeff Group also did a great version) or “Suspicious minds.”
Like most medleys the songs were too short; just as I started getting into them they would end
At the end most of the dancers (some of the female ones were quite elegant and attractive) got up on stage while the various performers came out again and did “We Will Rock You,” “I Love Rock’n roll ,” (Britney Spears covered the song and she still though it was a Pat Benatar number), “Your Mamma don’t Dance” (which is about as close to real rock n’roll as dean martin’s material), “Rock and Roll all Night ,” and “Rockin Robin.”
PS: Some of the song titles are approximations because I did not bother to look them up.
Possible Future Topics ? Hall of mirrors, wild world (turtle), Woman with dog who pissed on the sidewalk, Ripley’s believe it or not, Hollywood wax museum
